Ohio-Area Turtles Develop Sudden Interest In Pizza, Martial Arts

EAST PALESTINE, OH — In a bizarre development, turtles around Ohio have reportedly been spotted hanging around pizza parlors and practicing a wide variety of martial arts.

“I’m telling you, the turtle could talk,” said local woman Alisha Hill, who claimed to have seen a turtle emerge from the sewer. “He asked me which way to the pizza parlor, then ran away doing random front-flips. I know what I saw!”

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