Bill Gates Buys Entire City Of East Palestine For 50 Bucks

EAST PALESTINE, OH — Following the February 3rd train derailment and subsequent chemical release and controlled burn in the area, it was announced that the entire city of East Palestine, Ohio has been purchased by billionaire tech mogul/philanthropist/civilization-reshaper Bill Gates for the low price of just 50 dollars.

“I just couldn’t pass up such a great deal, after this tragic, and totally accidental accident that wasn’t caused by me,” Gates said in a press release announcing the purchase. “By buying this city and all surrounding farmland at such a reasonable price, I can really invest in its restoration. Genetically modified agriculture, artificial meat substances, social engineering, experimental climate control measures…you name it. East Palestine can be my own little sandbox!”

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