Biden Calls For Two Weeks Of Not Cooking On Gas Stoves To Flatten The Curve

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Joe Biden has called on Americans to refrain from cooking with gas stoves for the next two weeks to help “flatten the curve”.

“It’s real simple, folks,” said President Biden. “These gas stoves have brought upon us a terrible pandemic of asthma, brain damage, and scurvy! Now folks, I still believe in America. I believe we can beat these stoves! And it starts with us coming together to flatten the curve of, you know, the thing! For just two weeks, America! Not a joke!”

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